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I cannot think of a good title right now.  So it's 930pm and I just got home.  I feel like I didn't do anything today.  My research did not progress.  Today, I attended two classes.  the first was nanoscale engineering and the second one was theory in material science.  I was late for the first class because I just checked the schedule for the class and I was surprised that this class was held tuesday 2d period.  So I was late.  Plus when I got there, the room was jam-packed with Japanese students, the professor was speaking in Nihonggo, and I got a glimpse of the alien-like writings on the blackboard.  I chickened out.  I didnt enter the room and went to Graduate School of Engineering Science Office first to confirm if i were right.  Turns out, it was really the class I was looking for, so I went back to class and entered the room.  I tried, for a few minutes, to listen to the professor.  but it was all I could give -- a few minutes.  If i had stayed there longer I would die.  I think I only was there for 5 or 10 minutes and that's it.  I knew this class wasn't for me at all.  I couldn't understand his talking and I couldn't make any sense of any of the characters he wrote on the board.  Even if i could understand his Japanese, I won't understand his topic.  So I got out of the room, as if i were suffering from suffocation.  LOL

After I went back to lab from the horrifying class and lunch break, I felt sleepy.  I actually couldn't do my experiment.  Blame it on the siesta fever. LOL.  I didn't sleep and I forced myself to do my experiment.  2:40pm and it was time for my second class for the day.  I was again, late.  I forgot the time doing my experiment.  I rode my bicycle on the way to the other building and i got a bit lost around campus, which was basically why I arrived to class at around 2:50pm.  The room was again full of people but this time the professor was speaking in English.  I occupied the last seat at the back of the room near the door so I couldn't hear his voice so clearly.  I tried to follow him though.  His lecture was very interesting.  It was the one I wanted to understand.  about operators and stuff.  quantum mechanics.  eigenstates and eigenvalues.  spin states.  Yes.  I want to understand these stuff since last term.  It's not totally related to my research but I believe I can make good use of it some time in the future.  I think it would help me understand chemistry more and so I can analyze my compound properties easier.  The professor's explanation was nice and careful.  I think he really cared if his students understood his points or not.  Unfortunately, since I was sleepy at that time, I couldn't help but fall asleep.  LOL.  One minute he was talking about |0> being a vacuum state and c dagger is the creation factor.  i could follow what he was saying.  I had no idea how long i fell asleep but when i woke up it was like a different class suddenly.  I couldn't connect anything about what he said before i slept with what I was hearing the moment I woke up.  LOL.  I tried to get his slides so I could read it later in the lab.  Later on I realized, even if i read it, i still have tons of questions like, "why is it important to know the electrons momentum and position? what will we know from that? Why is it such a big deal?!?!?"  I will ask him after two weeks cause next week he will be going to nagoya university.

After I got back to lab, as usual, I continued to do my experiment.  I was feeling tired even though it seems i didnt do so much work in the lab today.  I admit that I'm getting more and more depressed with my compound because why does it take such a long time to synthesize the starting materials?  I know I can do it faster, but the purification, the recrystallization, is taking forever!  my time is ticking, I have a deadline to beat. I just wanted to sit there.  It was one of those moments which makes me think about questions like, "what is my purpose in life?"  "What am I here for?"  "What am I doing here?" T_T

After dinner, I continued doing my experiment.  Not so much work today, only recrystallization and treatment of one of my reactions.  One of the best advice i can give to my future self is that, in organic synthesis, in one day, if i still have some energy and time left before the day ends, I should do an experiment by all means.  It is because not all days you can have such kind of energy and not all days you can have the luxury of time.  Just keep swimming girl and you'll get there somehow, someday, someway.

Lastly, today i also got a lot of calls but most of them I didn't answer.  I felt it was too mendoukusai.
I know that they will just be asking me questions not related to my research or chemistry.  (I know I'm mean)
I just felt lazy talking to them maybe.

by the way, I got 3 separate invitations to hanami. everyone is just so happy that spring is here i believe.
tomorrow is a new day, hope i can do more for my research.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EunqF5gfyMo

GAMAN from ALLEGIANCE.


It's one of those songs which I feel like singing in the lab while working on my compound.


by the way, gaman is the nihonggo word for magtiis ka.
a.k.a.  ENDURE THE WICKED PAIN BABEH.

"gaman this word
to be spoken and heard
in this place where each face tells a story of faith
gaman we would say
as we get through each day
we will bear any nightmare
with a simple refrain
gaman...
gaman...
sturdy and sure
keep faith and endure
gaman gaman
hold your head high, carry on
gaman....

so come walk with me
through our adversity
hold my hand as we each stand
squarely and plain
our spirit renewed
.....
we know there's no turning back...

for better or worse,
whether blessed or cursed,
together we'll ever remain

Gaman. gaman. sturdy and sure
keep faith and endure
gaman gaman.
dignity pride as we stand side by side
even when all hope seems gone
gaman...
gaman....
gaman...."