Saturday, April 21, 2012
Howdy friends! Long time no blog... I haven't blogged for about a week? It has been a very busy week for me. From like Wednesday to Friday I have been staying in the lab till 10pm. This is without overtime pay, cause its not really a job, it's called studying. As my friend said, my overtime pay is my data, just don't think about whether it is good or bad data. I am now in the train heading for church as I write this blog. Its 952am, the church service starts at 10am and I will be like 30 minutes late. Honestly I really don't want to go out of my room this early but I really want to go to church.
Anyway, this week it has been pretty depressing. I worked so hard for four reactions. One of my target products for this week is ver difficult to purify. I hate the sticky caramel like byproduct which formed; it is very ver very difficult to separate. I got a low yield 29%. And that sucks.
I used 200mg for the next reaction. Starting material was NMR pure; I don't know why the next reaction I only got 5 % yield. It brings me so much pain. I know I did everything right!!!!!!!!!! T.T anyway what the hell..,, organic synthesis - sometimes you just can't tell what will happen even though you've tried the same reaction n times. Oh that's lab life.
I know it's Sunday a rest day but my mind can't stop thinking about my result and it's getting really annoying. I really want to run back to the LAb now and do my experiment, but that wouldnt really make a balanced life would it? I want to have a balanced life. I really dont know if my life is balanced now, but at least in my perspective it is. I try my best to maintain it.
Now I feel like someone shot me. I feel like I want to lie down in my bed for a whole day and do nothing, but that would also kill me - wastin time. I ha e a deadline to beat my time is running so fast. I have to finish this comp soon. I know my sensei is waiting for it really patiently. Everytime I get bad results I sort of feel like I am the scum of the earth. I feel very bad. This is why I am depressed this week.
I want to be smarter!!!! I want to be more skilled!!!! Ughgggggghh...,
T.T I don't want to let my sensei down
I am working my best here....
My phone bat is now 61% I have to save it till tonight. Back to blogging later!!!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
_______
I cannot think of a good title right now. So it's 930pm and I just got home. I feel like I didn't do anything today. My research did not progress. Today, I attended two classes. the first was nanoscale engineering and the second one was theory in material science. I was late for the first class because I just checked the schedule for the class and I was surprised that this class was held tuesday 2d period. So I was late. Plus when I got there, the room was jam-packed with Japanese students, the professor was speaking in Nihonggo, and I got a glimpse of the alien-like writings on the blackboard. I chickened out. I didnt enter the room and went to Graduate School of Engineering Science Office first to confirm if i were right. Turns out, it was really the class I was looking for, so I went back to class and entered the room. I tried, for a few minutes, to listen to the professor. but it was all I could give -- a few minutes. If i had stayed there longer I would die. I think I only was there for 5 or 10 minutes and that's it. I knew this class wasn't for me at all. I couldn't understand his talking and I couldn't make any sense of any of the characters he wrote on the board. Even if i could understand his Japanese, I won't understand his topic. So I got out of the room, as if i were suffering from suffocation. LOL
After I went back to lab from the horrifying class and lunch break, I felt sleepy. I actually couldn't do my experiment. Blame it on the siesta fever. LOL. I didn't sleep and I forced myself to do my experiment. 2:40pm and it was time for my second class for the day. I was again, late. I forgot the time doing my experiment. I rode my bicycle on the way to the other building and i got a bit lost around campus, which was basically why I arrived to class at around 2:50pm. The room was again full of people but this time the professor was speaking in English. I occupied the last seat at the back of the room near the door so I couldn't hear his voice so clearly. I tried to follow him though. His lecture was very interesting. It was the one I wanted to understand. about operators and stuff. quantum mechanics. eigenstates and eigenvalues. spin states. Yes. I want to understand these stuff since last term. It's not totally related to my research but I believe I can make good use of it some time in the future. I think it would help me understand chemistry more and so I can analyze my compound properties easier. The professor's explanation was nice and careful. I think he really cared if his students understood his points or not. Unfortunately, since I was sleepy at that time, I couldn't help but fall asleep. LOL. One minute he was talking about |0> being a vacuum state and c dagger is the creation factor. i could follow what he was saying. I had no idea how long i fell asleep but when i woke up it was like a different class suddenly. I couldn't connect anything about what he said before i slept with what I was hearing the moment I woke up. LOL. I tried to get his slides so I could read it later in the lab. Later on I realized, even if i read it, i still have tons of questions like, "why is it important to know the electrons momentum and position? what will we know from that? Why is it such a big deal?!?!?" I will ask him after two weeks cause next week he will be going to nagoya university.
After I got back to lab, as usual, I continued to do my experiment. I was feeling tired even though it seems i didnt do so much work in the lab today. I admit that I'm getting more and more depressed with my compound because why does it take such a long time to synthesize the starting materials? I know I can do it faster, but the purification, the recrystallization, is taking forever! my time is ticking, I have a deadline to beat. I just wanted to sit there. It was one of those moments which makes me think about questions like, "what is my purpose in life?" "What am I here for?" "What am I doing here?" T_T
After dinner, I continued doing my experiment. Not so much work today, only recrystallization and treatment of one of my reactions. One of the best advice i can give to my future self is that, in organic synthesis, in one day, if i still have some energy and time left before the day ends, I should do an experiment by all means. It is because not all days you can have such kind of energy and not all days you can have the luxury of time. Just keep swimming girl and you'll get there somehow, someday, someway.
Lastly, today i also got a lot of calls but most of them I didn't answer. I felt it was too mendoukusai.
I know that they will just be asking me questions not related to my research or chemistry. (I know I'm mean)
I just felt lazy talking to them maybe.
by the way, I got 3 separate invitations to hanami. everyone is just so happy that spring is here i believe.
tomorrow is a new day, hope i can do more for my research.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EunqF5gfyMo
GAMAN from ALLEGIANCE.
It's one of those songs which I feel like singing in the lab while working on my compound.
by the way, gaman is the nihonggo word for magtiis ka.
a.k.a. ENDURE THE WICKED PAIN BABEH.
"gaman this word
to be spoken and heard
in this place where each face tells a story of faith
gaman we would say
as we get through each day
we will bear any nightmare
with a simple refrain
gaman...
gaman...
sturdy and sure
keep faith and endure
gaman gaman
hold your head high, carry on
gaman....
so come walk with me
through our adversity
hold my hand as we each stand
squarely and plain
our spirit renewed
.....
we know there's no turning back...
for better or worse,
whether blessed or cursed,
together we'll ever remain
Gaman. gaman. sturdy and sure
keep faith and endure
gaman gaman.
dignity pride as we stand side by side
even when all hope seems gone
gaman...
gaman....
gaman...."
After I went back to lab from the horrifying class and lunch break, I felt sleepy. I actually couldn't do my experiment. Blame it on the siesta fever. LOL. I didn't sleep and I forced myself to do my experiment. 2:40pm and it was time for my second class for the day. I was again, late. I forgot the time doing my experiment. I rode my bicycle on the way to the other building and i got a bit lost around campus, which was basically why I arrived to class at around 2:50pm. The room was again full of people but this time the professor was speaking in English. I occupied the last seat at the back of the room near the door so I couldn't hear his voice so clearly. I tried to follow him though. His lecture was very interesting. It was the one I wanted to understand. about operators and stuff. quantum mechanics. eigenstates and eigenvalues. spin states. Yes. I want to understand these stuff since last term. It's not totally related to my research but I believe I can make good use of it some time in the future. I think it would help me understand chemistry more and so I can analyze my compound properties easier. The professor's explanation was nice and careful. I think he really cared if his students understood his points or not. Unfortunately, since I was sleepy at that time, I couldn't help but fall asleep. LOL. One minute he was talking about |0> being a vacuum state and c dagger is the creation factor. i could follow what he was saying. I had no idea how long i fell asleep but when i woke up it was like a different class suddenly. I couldn't connect anything about what he said before i slept with what I was hearing the moment I woke up. LOL. I tried to get his slides so I could read it later in the lab. Later on I realized, even if i read it, i still have tons of questions like, "why is it important to know the electrons momentum and position? what will we know from that? Why is it such a big deal?!?!?" I will ask him after two weeks cause next week he will be going to nagoya university.
After I got back to lab, as usual, I continued to do my experiment. I was feeling tired even though it seems i didnt do so much work in the lab today. I admit that I'm getting more and more depressed with my compound because why does it take such a long time to synthesize the starting materials? I know I can do it faster, but the purification, the recrystallization, is taking forever! my time is ticking, I have a deadline to beat. I just wanted to sit there. It was one of those moments which makes me think about questions like, "what is my purpose in life?" "What am I here for?" "What am I doing here?" T_T
After dinner, I continued doing my experiment. Not so much work today, only recrystallization and treatment of one of my reactions. One of the best advice i can give to my future self is that, in organic synthesis, in one day, if i still have some energy and time left before the day ends, I should do an experiment by all means. It is because not all days you can have such kind of energy and not all days you can have the luxury of time. Just keep swimming girl and you'll get there somehow, someday, someway.
Lastly, today i also got a lot of calls but most of them I didn't answer. I felt it was too mendoukusai.
I know that they will just be asking me questions not related to my research or chemistry. (I know I'm mean)
I just felt lazy talking to them maybe.
by the way, I got 3 separate invitations to hanami. everyone is just so happy that spring is here i believe.
tomorrow is a new day, hope i can do more for my research.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EunqF5gfyMo
GAMAN from ALLEGIANCE.
It's one of those songs which I feel like singing in the lab while working on my compound.
by the way, gaman is the nihonggo word for magtiis ka.
a.k.a. ENDURE THE WICKED PAIN BABEH.
"gaman this word
to be spoken and heard
in this place where each face tells a story of faith
gaman we would say
as we get through each day
we will bear any nightmare
with a simple refrain
gaman...
gaman...
sturdy and sure
keep faith and endure
gaman gaman
hold your head high, carry on
gaman....
so come walk with me
through our adversity
hold my hand as we each stand
squarely and plain
our spirit renewed
.....
we know there's no turning back...
for better or worse,
whether blessed or cursed,
together we'll ever remain
Gaman. gaman. sturdy and sure
keep faith and endure
gaman gaman.
dignity pride as we stand side by side
even when all hope seems gone
gaman...
gaman....
gaman...."
Monday, April 9, 2012
Groar
I really don't know what kind of title goes with today... I feel extremely sleepy now, and i really can't work, it is like my head is floating up above with the clouds and my eyelids really feel the force of gravity. I haven't done anything yet, just treatment of yesterday's compound and recrystallization of CN compound. it is in a few gram scale so i can't really do anything about it. Oh well, I will just wait for the bromo compound till reaction's over (hoping for 80% yield or higher on that) and for now i should read on literature. God help me to stay awake.
Super Monday
Do you know the song which goes like "just another manic monday.." Well i guess it doesn't sync with what i felt this monday. When I woke up today I was feeling so happy because I get a new day to work. It sounds odd but I really feel happy about having a new day. Today early, I prayed to God to help me make new friends and to help me with my research. Interestingly, God answered me back about the first onegai koto. He questioned, "how can you make friends if you don't spend some time with the people you want to be friends with?" I realized that He was right. I have to have some time for them. So I did the impossible. I asked them all out to lunch. This is quite embarrassing and difficult for me. Actually I don't want to eat with these people. I can't really follow their conversations and they don't really talk with me during lunch ( i feel like a spirit ghost -- as if they don't see me). But I followed God anyway...
Yea, so today, I invited them to lunch but in the end only three people went. That was the H., K., and me.
(I'm not giving any names to be safe... LOL!) When i asked them for having lunch, I could just see they were soooo delighted. Not to exaggerate, but I really saw them smile. LOL.
I realized, these people are people. They're not robots as I thought. LOL. =)) Even though they act like robots, never talk and just work all day (which btw drives me crazy), they are not. They are people; they have feelings. They tried talking to me during lunch and I was laughing inside my head because I realized they were like little children. LOL.
Oh I forgot to mention what happened in the morning...
Well from 9 to 1130, I just did column chromatography. Maybe i had about what? like 4.0grams of raw material? I forgot. Also, I combined and summarized all the compounds i have synthesized and put the same ones in only one sample tube. This would help me organize all my compounds.
After lunch, I finished my column, and started a new reaction. It's not really new, in fact, i have done it n times. I did two reactions in the afternoon in huge scales. The first one is a 5 gram scale and the second reaction was in 15.0gram scale. That's amazing and not to mention tiring.
hmmm what else... I washed and washed and washed glassware,... LOL
I didnt have the time to read some literature today, or even textbook. I couldn't even go down to register my bicycle as a handai bicycle. I didn't have so much time to sit down today because I was doing experiments the whole day.
by the way, I hate handling halogens!!! They suck.
Especially bromine. It just has to be in the hood. and you just have to have gloves. today I had two gloves worn on each of my hands. I don't want any spills. It's understandable. I just used 19grams of bromine. And thats a huge amount.
Iodine is not as dangerous as bromine, but i hate the stain of iodine which takes like 2 to 3 weeks before its totally removed (I've had miserable experiences with iodine). I hate the HI acid which is produced when it reacts with water. It made my hand suffer for 2 weeks, if i remember correctly.
It's almost 10 and I feel like a total zombie now. I got home 930pm I am so tired and sleepy.
What a day.... it was just soooooooper.
P.s, i forgot to mention what was his name i forgot his name ... ahhhhh i remember.. anyway... this guy, he was so kind.. i think he wants to be friends.. LOL... so today i found some new friends i guess. I gave them chocnut. this omiyage i gave them from my country. It is like the meiji chocolate of my country.
snooze... ZZZZZZZZ bye.
Yea, so today, I invited them to lunch but in the end only three people went. That was the H., K., and me.
(I'm not giving any names to be safe... LOL!) When i asked them for having lunch, I could just see they were soooo delighted. Not to exaggerate, but I really saw them smile. LOL.
I realized, these people are people. They're not robots as I thought. LOL. =)) Even though they act like robots, never talk and just work all day (which btw drives me crazy), they are not. They are people; they have feelings. They tried talking to me during lunch and I was laughing inside my head because I realized they were like little children. LOL.
Oh I forgot to mention what happened in the morning...
Well from 9 to 1130, I just did column chromatography. Maybe i had about what? like 4.0grams of raw material? I forgot. Also, I combined and summarized all the compounds i have synthesized and put the same ones in only one sample tube. This would help me organize all my compounds.
After lunch, I finished my column, and started a new reaction. It's not really new, in fact, i have done it n times. I did two reactions in the afternoon in huge scales. The first one is a 5 gram scale and the second reaction was in 15.0gram scale. That's amazing and not to mention tiring.
hmmm what else... I washed and washed and washed glassware,... LOL
I didnt have the time to read some literature today, or even textbook. I couldn't even go down to register my bicycle as a handai bicycle. I didn't have so much time to sit down today because I was doing experiments the whole day.
by the way, I hate handling halogens!!! They suck.
Especially bromine. It just has to be in the hood. and you just have to have gloves. today I had two gloves worn on each of my hands. I don't want any spills. It's understandable. I just used 19grams of bromine. And thats a huge amount.
Iodine is not as dangerous as bromine, but i hate the stain of iodine which takes like 2 to 3 weeks before its totally removed (I've had miserable experiences with iodine). I hate the HI acid which is produced when it reacts with water. It made my hand suffer for 2 weeks, if i remember correctly.
It's almost 10 and I feel like a total zombie now. I got home 930pm I am so tired and sleepy.
What a day.... it was just soooooooper.
P.s, i forgot to mention what was his name i forgot his name ... ahhhhh i remember.. anyway... this guy, he was so kind.. i think he wants to be friends.. LOL... so today i found some new friends i guess. I gave them chocnut. this omiyage i gave them from my country. It is like the meiji chocolate of my country.
snooze... ZZZZZZZZ bye.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
April 9, 2012 (Monday) New lab day
Hello. Today is the first day of the week and what a wonderful day it is. I don't really feel like singing "Just another manic Monday..." because i'm actually very happy that i woke up today fine and safe, to continue my work in the lab. I just prayed to God to help me do my experiments today and to help me keep a good relationship with everyone in the lab, my professors and lab mates alike. My work is not an easy job and I prayed to God to give me wisdom and knowledge on how to do my work. I asked him to grant me the wisdom to decide which I should do next, so that I can finish in the shortest time possible.
I am going to prepare my lunch and dinner now, see you later.
I am going to prepare my lunch and dinner now, see you later.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
April 8, 2012 (Sun)
Hello Easter Sunday! It's a nice warm spring day today. Research progress went smoothly, until that fateful day...
me: the C.A. derivative is brown.
lab mate: brown? no no no, it's not supposed to be brown, it is supposed to be colorless.
me: what? but i always get brown. Since the first time i synthesized this compound (which was like since forever), I've been getting brown. (It just can't be colorless).
lab mate: no, i will show you a pure stored sample *searches in the fridge* there we go! (got a sample tube with a small amount of crushed colorless crystals labeled with CAder)
me: eeek. speechless (i felt that i was about to die)
lab mate: @_@
Okay. So since that fateful day, I had to go back to my scheme. And since that fateful day, my research has not yet progressed smoothly as before. I just feel like total garbage because I have to do it all over again. The bright side, however, is that I learned my lesson. A lot of lessons, actually. But what kind of expensive mistake is this?!?! It destroyed my hopeful spirit T_T
Yesterday, ah no, last friday, my professor saw me reading some literature and told me he wants to have my compound. At that point, I just melted right there. I know its already taking forever. I know, I know I almost got to the end. but I made a huge mistake in the middle, and so now i have to start from the beginning. Why, my whole world crumbled down when I heard him say that. In reply, I just explained to him about my mistake, and said that I was sorry and I will work harder. But I AM already working hard and actually
I don't know how to work harder. geez.
Please God help me with my research. I want to get my compound as soon as possible.
I even have a deadline to beat. My progress report is in around 1 month. I really want to present some good data and a PROGRESS report --- the way my research PROGRESSED, not the opposite.
I was feeling rather sad about my research but i can't do anything except to go back down to my scheme and wait. I am a "homey" person -- in my definition it means "one who likes to decorate the house." I dont know why but i feel happy when i decorate a house and make it more "homey." Yesterday I rearranged the furniture in my small home. What I like best is the comfort room. I made it look like a pretty room, far from what it was before. I placed a framed picture of Johnny Depp (quite odd to put it on the bathroom wall). It's so pretty in fact, I'm ready to accept guests in my small home. I'd be delighted to invite someone over.
Anyway, I put all my energy in rearranging and pushing all the furniture all around the house last night for about 2 to 3 hours. when i was about to sleep i was tired and happy. :-O
Okay time's up its almost 9, I gotta clean up and go to church. see you later, alligator! :D
me: the C.A. derivative is brown.
lab mate: brown? no no no, it's not supposed to be brown, it is supposed to be colorless.
me: what? but i always get brown. Since the first time i synthesized this compound (which was like since forever), I've been getting brown. (It just can't be colorless).
lab mate: no, i will show you a pure stored sample *searches in the fridge* there we go! (got a sample tube with a small amount of crushed colorless crystals labeled with CAder)
me: eeek. speechless (i felt that i was about to die)
lab mate: @_@
Okay. So since that fateful day, I had to go back to my scheme. And since that fateful day, my research has not yet progressed smoothly as before. I just feel like total garbage because I have to do it all over again. The bright side, however, is that I learned my lesson. A lot of lessons, actually. But what kind of expensive mistake is this?!?! It destroyed my hopeful spirit T_T
Yesterday, ah no, last friday, my professor saw me reading some literature and told me he wants to have my compound. At that point, I just melted right there. I know its already taking forever. I know, I know I almost got to the end. but I made a huge mistake in the middle, and so now i have to start from the beginning. Why, my whole world crumbled down when I heard him say that. In reply, I just explained to him about my mistake, and said that I was sorry and I will work harder. But I AM already working hard and actually
I don't know how to work harder. geez.
Please God help me with my research. I want to get my compound as soon as possible.
I even have a deadline to beat. My progress report is in around 1 month. I really want to present some good data and a PROGRESS report --- the way my research PROGRESSED, not the opposite.
I was feeling rather sad about my research but i can't do anything except to go back down to my scheme and wait. I am a "homey" person -- in my definition it means "one who likes to decorate the house." I dont know why but i feel happy when i decorate a house and make it more "homey." Yesterday I rearranged the furniture in my small home. What I like best is the comfort room. I made it look like a pretty room, far from what it was before. I placed a framed picture of Johnny Depp (quite odd to put it on the bathroom wall). It's so pretty in fact, I'm ready to accept guests in my small home. I'd be delighted to invite someone over.
Anyway, I put all my energy in rearranging and pushing all the furniture all around the house last night for about 2 to 3 hours. when i was about to sleep i was tired and happy. :-O
Okay time's up its almost 9, I gotta clean up and go to church. see you later, alligator! :D
Lab Life 101
I created this blog so that I can air out about what I feel when I do my work. I am a graduate student of organic chemistry. I think the subject itself is fun and interesting but it is a very hard work. I need to make a compound -- to make this compound I have to do a gazillion experiments (not to mention all the bad results and failed experiments). So anyway, this is what this blog is going to be about. ^_^ from today onwards, I'll narrate my EXCITING lab(oratory) life. (In currently in a relationship with my research) So see you around!
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