But not ordinary laboratory experiment. No. It was a kind of social experiment.
I kind of wondered well, "i almost got everything i wanted. What else do i want in my life?" I asked this question to myself.
I got an answer, "i want love life. Lol."
Yeah, does sound cheesy or unprofessional or call it whatever, but i think it's normal. Friends with the same age as me have had boyfriends or have a boyfriend now... I know i am not looking for love because i am incomplete. In fact, i am comfortable with myself and i am happy being alone. But it's just that i am curious and i want to feel that different kind of thrill. The kind that makes you very happy and very enthusiastic about a simple day. Not that i am not 'genki' enough per day, close friends of mine would tell you i act similar to a girl who had too much caffeine. It's just that i want to feel it and i am curious and i would wonder at least how that feels like to have a special someone and have that someone make you feel the sparks and all that.
So i did an experiement. From about sept to october, i tried to get the guy i have been liking for the past year. I was not even aware i liked him because i ignored my feelings for him since i started to like him because i didnt want to get hurt and i just wanted to study first and finish my masters. I wanted to focus on chemistry. But now that i graduated and i will continue phd in switzerland, i think i would like to give it a try in my love life. After all, i want to be normal. Lol.
Anyway, so i did. First i tried to fix my appearance. I improved the way i dressed. I improved my hairstyle. Then i tried to go out on dates. With different guys. But anyway i just treated them like my friends so i guess they werent really dates. Haha. One person was different though... I think we were in the same frequency and we were similar, so i thought he was a good match for me.
I learned a lot from this experiment. And with every experiment you gotta report the results... And well here is my "experimental report."
During one month, i treated this guy very kindly and i knew i was fit to be a good girlfriend. I knew that i was very understanding and kind and most importantly i was comfortable with myself and i knew myself and i could express myself very well. I could actually figure a way to communicate my feelings to other people and made myself understood well by my anyone. So i knew i was really a good catch, and i did not lack anything.
The guy i like, however, was not ready. After much research and this experiment, i have realized one thing more about guys. When they arent ready, it doesnt matter if you are ready... Nothing will ever happen. Guys only respond when they are already at that point in their lives when they are ready for relationships. When theyre not ready, theyre not. And this doesnt mean that they wont come back. They know you are a good catch and sometime in the future if you keep in contact with him and keep kind and cool, he will come back for sure. When he is ready. Sometimes guys only marry the girl who is there when they are ready. It is that simple.
So this guy i liked, i figured that he wasnt ready. I knew that he liked me or he was at least attracted to me. We are good friends. Nothing was wrong with me. It was just the time. Timing. Timing is everything.
i felt sad of course, not being able to get my "target product." But i was not devastatingly sad. Not like previous heartbreaks. I am actually glad i learned so much. I learned that guys are very good. I learned that most of my guy friends found me attractive. Many guys actually like me but they dont want to approach me , maybe because i dont seem to be interested.
I tried to give one guy a chance by going out with him a few times, he didnt say he likes me but he was very kind to me. At first i didnt like him but now i started to like him more, but in a platonic way only. He gave me a lot of comfort when i needed it. He was always there for me and gave me everything. And it felt good. Suddenly, the design of man and woman and their roles in such relationships became clear to me. The role of the guy was to pursue and the girl must be pursued and the feeling was so right and normal. This role, which has been followed since the beginning of time, is a perfect design, and whoever made it was a genius.
In that short span of time (one month) i was able to learn a lot of things. I felt different things. I felt high and felt so low. Sometimes, i lost my appetite just thinking of that person. At night, i could not sleep. I lost a lot of weight without trying to lose weight. I felt so happy when i was with him and i was able to bake him a cake. I was very happy doing those things for him, and i had a very large energy reserve because there was no input of energy but there was a huge output of energy. It was amazing, it was like power and it made me do all things. I was able to jog three huge lapses when i was jogging with him. I was able to meet him coincidentally many times. All these things brought my emotions to heaven. After a month, my emotions were able to reach heaven and hell. Hell was when i was sad because he didnt do as i expected him. Hell was when i did not understand why.
But i learned one more important lesson: never expect from anyone. It doesnt matter who that person is to you. You must never expect. Ever. Period. When you dont expect, you make him feel happy. You also feel happy too.
As a conclusion, i think this guy and i would have been good together if the timing was right. We had the same interests and we understood each other well. It was just the timing. For the next trial, i would like to try with him again when he is ready. I will of course, try to find another guy who can be potentially a good partner to me. But when i cant find another one,then it would be ideal to try again with this guy.
No comments:
Post a Comment