Sometimes i think about my college days. i sometimes log in my facebook account to check on my old college classmates cause i wonder what they are doing now.
I was a part of a biochemistry class with about 40 students in the freshman year. By the end of the second semester of the freshman year, only half of the students without fail remained. Some already were shifting to other courses and others were retaking the same courses because a lot have failed. I tried my best to stay on track and pass everything. I gave my all for me not to repeat anything. By the time our class have reached the second year, we were getting fewer and fewer and most of us got separated because of schedule conflict. Those who had failures had to change their schedules from the pre-set schedules given by the administration because they were not regular students anymore. My circle of friends became fewer and fewer too because everyone was separate and the only people i went with were the ones without failures. I was with them during lunch time and so on. Actually, i should be happy that i was one of the students who were passing everything one semester after another. But actually, the fewer we got, the tougher the competition became.
Some, or most, of the students who were left were the ones competing for the top spot. Not only that, they were also proud. Although they had good grades, their characters were questionable. It is somewhat surprising to me in the beginning, but i didnt want to be the one who was defeated, so i kept on fighting. On our final year as biochemistry, only five or so people remained without any failures and who were expected to graduate on time. I was not close to any of my classmates. Neither were they close with each other. Nobody was close with whoever amongst the five. And what.the.fuck. We should've been closer, but we grew further apart.
I got a scholarship to study in japan when i almost graduated from my undergrad, and many of them got envious of me. I could tell from their words.
Surprising thing is, those who had worse grades or those with the not so good grades were kinder...
Those who had high grades, on the other hand, were the ones who said really mean things to me...and we spent more time together because we passed each subject together..
Or maybe, this trend is not surprising at all...
I graduated and i was the only one selected to go to japan for further education.
It seems impossible. I was not the smartest in our class that is probably why they didnt expect me to get the scholarship. At that time, i just wanted to graduate from my university and i never wanted to be with those people again. They were the worst people. And thats why i worked so hard to keep my cool and pass everything. I didnt want to spend one more day again in my university.
Fast forward to today... I was just thinking.... Did i enjoy my college life?
I actually dont know. I think i didnt enjoy it. High school life was acceptable, but i wont say i really enjoyed it too. College life, well, i didnt enjoy it. I enjoyed my college life mostly because of my professors who i learned from, but regarding those people? No, i didnt.
Those who had failures, they had the time to go on bars on saturday nights,.. Those who failed, they had time to play computer games. they had money to spend for one more semester. They had the time to join the organizations which took up their time.
As for me, i didnt have those. Every monday to thursday, we had lecture days. Fridays i had to do some lab work. Saturdays, i had to study for exams the following week and i also had to balance that with family time. Of course, i have to watch a movie with my family. No matter how busy school is.
Sundays are for church. The whole morning i will be in church. We usually got home by 2 pm, sometimes 3, and the rest of the afternoon until evening is for siesta and studying. So you see how much time i actually have remaining for all the things i had to study. And that is not so much. I endured a lot. I suffered a lot to pass everything. In the end i didnt enjoy. Was it worth it to pass everything then?
Of course it was worth it. If i had stayed for one more day there, i wouldnt be happy i think. I would be in a worse situation. Even though i dont have a lot of friends, most of my acquaintances know me as one of the smartest in our class. I wasnt the smartest but at least i passed everything. And i was lucky, i was the only one given the scholarship. The top students hated me or envied me for that...
I admit that i envy those people who had good friends in college. For example, my sister had a wonderful, college life. In fact, she loved it so much that she didnt want to graduate lol :)) she had quite a few good friends too. I envy those people who have a class picture. In my class we only had one photo, and that was during our freshman year, but at the end of the biochemistry course, we all went our separate ways already. We never had our own class picture.
I am just telling this story cause nobody really knew what happened in my college days. Just for documentation's sake. Now that i think back, yea, i didnt have a great high school life, i most certainly didnt have a great college life, but i now i am having a great graduate life. I have become independent and mature and i have realized many things which cannot be learned inside a classroom. I saw and i experienced those things which cannot be experienced within my own country. I am moving toward a brighter future. And that is the best thing now in my life. Since i was a child, i perhaps knew already that i would be making a lot of friends from different countries, and not only friends from my country.
I dont even know if i am making sense to you now... Hahaha...
Anyway thank god, thank the universe, for making this all work, and at the end, i win.
So in life, the most important things are these: hard work and positivity.
I may sound like a depressed kiddo to you though. I should say that i have this thing i noticed with myself: i could not easily forget those things which have hurt me. There were also a lot of happy times in my college life, and with those same people, but they hurt me at one point, and they have hurt me intensely, and so that's why that is the only thing i remember. The hurt. I am like this. The happy memories get overshadowed by the painful ones.
I didnt tell you that i joined a competition for pre-medicine students from other schools, and it was a happy memory for me. Of course i have more happy memories.
The thing that i realize now is that, i really didnt have confidence at that time. I didnt believe in myself and in my capabilities, although i was doing fine in school, i was not confident of my actions and of myself. --- and that is important in life, you know?
Anyway--- this blog post is to be continued.
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