coming back

The worst part of going back to my country is the coming back?  Coming back here makes me feel so homesick and not so comfortable.  Sometimes I think nobody understands this feeling except the people who also experience it.  It feels so difficult to adjust back to normally busy mode.  I wish I can skip this part. 

Last night I didn't sleep because things kept running through my head.  I am tired today.  I didn't have sleep.  I want to eat sinigang.  No matter how dirty Manila is compared to Osaka, I miss it still.  I want to sleep.  I slept for a total of 50 mins (combination of naps throughout the day) and its still not enough.  I am feeling dizzy.  I want to talk to someone who will listen to me and understand me.  But such kind of companionship that I am longing for here and now doesn't exist, I suppose.  I miss my family back home.  I miss being a student especially here in grad school it feels more like a job than studying.  There are no sembreaks. Just work.

Many people in facebook post sembreak in 1 day or things like that.  Reading these make me feel all the more homesick. I miss being a child.  My mom takes care of me.  I don't have to think of bills or eating delicious food.  I don't even have to think about who to talk to or who to go to.  I just go to my mom for help.  I miss talking to someone in my own language.  I miss being understood easily by a group of people and the group of people I am talking to also reply to me in return, without any language barrier.  I want to talk to someone, but I cant find that person.  It seems that I have been a pretty strong girl for the past few months, being like a rock, never talking to anyone in the laboratory for so many months and still staying happy and cheerful.  How did I do that?  Why did I become so weak upon staying in my home country for just a few days?

I didn't prepare for this.  I thought I would not feel this but I am now.  It seems as if I left myself somewhere in the air during my flight back here.  Self, wherever you are, please come back.  I need to do my experiment and I need strength.  I just wasted away two days already.  Life here in Japan is so fast, every second which I don't use efficiently is wasted. 

I have some things running through my head. About that scholarship. About that research profile Dr mel is asking.  About the stupid Softbank bill which reached a staggering 20000yen.  About my grandmum and my sister.  About my experiment.  How will I get back to myself again?

I plan to go home early tonight, get some good sleep hopefully I can be myself again tomorrow and do my experiment.