I love my job!!!

 Hello,

I feel like blogging today.

I just had lunch and over lunch I have imagined a very interesting idea.

When I woke up today, I didn't actually feel like going to school.  I feel so sleepy and I really want to stay in bed.  I want to rest and pig out!!

When I reached school, I was still sleepy.  I took another cup of coffee to fight the drowsiness away.  Then I started to work.  When I touched the glasswares and my compound in the flask I started to feel elated for some reason.  Then I started feeling like I am a super chemist, like those seen in the movies.  The scientists who knows which bottle to get, or which powder to use, or which chemical to put and add in the reaction.  I felt like being watched by myself, doing my experiment, and I could feel that I was “cool.”  I feel exactly like Dexter (Dexter’s Lab) the cartoon I used to watch back then.  I started touching other flasks and putting liquid nitrogen in the trap for vacuum line, then I started doing column chromatography.  I started getting hexane and pouring it down the column and watching all the air bubbles go away as I poured the colloidal silica gel.  I started to feel like I was this amazing chemist who always knew what to do.

Then… just then..

I realized that I love chemistry.  I love my job.  It must be true.  I mean, I go here everyday without feeling these things that drove me off to my amazement.  I go here everyday without talking to anyone and just doing my work.  I never get tired of this chemistry.  Thank God, even though I didn't end up in medicine school as I have originally planned, I still ended up in a field that I really enjoy so much.  Why, I never saw how much I am inlove with my job until now.  Why did I miss the point???  All my lab life, I kept on ranting about not finishing my compound.  But I realize now that, its not the point.  The point is not rushing things and finishing it soon.  The point is loving the craft.  The point is taking care of each step, summarizing it, thinking about it everytime like I am married to my chemistry.  I just realized today, how much I love my job. 

Chemistry, I love, I love, I love you… I never wish to be parted from you for the rest of my life. Mwah <3

coming back

The worst part of going back to my country is the coming back?  Coming back here makes me feel so homesick and not so comfortable.  Sometimes I think nobody understands this feeling except the people who also experience it.  It feels so difficult to adjust back to normally busy mode.  I wish I can skip this part. 

Last night I didn't sleep because things kept running through my head.  I am tired today.  I didn't have sleep.  I want to eat sinigang.  No matter how dirty Manila is compared to Osaka, I miss it still.  I want to sleep.  I slept for a total of 50 mins (combination of naps throughout the day) and its still not enough.  I am feeling dizzy.  I want to talk to someone who will listen to me and understand me.  But such kind of companionship that I am longing for here and now doesn't exist, I suppose.  I miss my family back home.  I miss being a student especially here in grad school it feels more like a job than studying.  There are no sembreaks. Just work.

Many people in facebook post sembreak in 1 day or things like that.  Reading these make me feel all the more homesick. I miss being a child.  My mom takes care of me.  I don't have to think of bills or eating delicious food.  I don't even have to think about who to talk to or who to go to.  I just go to my mom for help.  I miss talking to someone in my own language.  I miss being understood easily by a group of people and the group of people I am talking to also reply to me in return, without any language barrier.  I want to talk to someone, but I cant find that person.  It seems that I have been a pretty strong girl for the past few months, being like a rock, never talking to anyone in the laboratory for so many months and still staying happy and cheerful.  How did I do that?  Why did I become so weak upon staying in my home country for just a few days?

I didn't prepare for this.  I thought I would not feel this but I am now.  It seems as if I left myself somewhere in the air during my flight back here.  Self, wherever you are, please come back.  I need to do my experiment and I need strength.  I just wasted away two days already.  Life here in Japan is so fast, every second which I don't use efficiently is wasted. 

I have some things running through my head. About that scholarship. About that research profile Dr mel is asking.  About the stupid Softbank bill which reached a staggering 20000yen.  About my grandmum and my sister.  About my experiment.  How will I get back to myself again?

I plan to go home early tonight, get some good sleep hopefully I can be myself again tomorrow and do my experiment.  

Airport terminal

I am currently at NAIA terminal 2, the airport for the flag carrier airline Philippine Airlines.  I went here just to do a presentation about my research with my professor last thursday.  My presentation, thankfully, turned out fine.  The audience got interested in my research and some of the professors' comments were:

"Interesting Research"

"You explained it well."

"You did a really good presentation."

Most of my audience laughed at the jokes (which I prepared too).  In my short stay here in the Philippines, I got to fulfill all my objectives.  Im not mentioning some of them here though.  All i could say is that, my stay here has been a truly fruitful one.


here at the airport i could read a sign that says something like "This airport was constructed by Japan ODA..." I dont really know what ODA stands for, what kind of institution is that, but Japan is the country behind it.  It seems that Japanese government is helping Philippines somehow.  I mean, in the news, it is always about Japan giving ships to this country or... Japan  donating a train.  It makes me wonder why Japan is helping this country so much?  Why are they investing so much?

** changing blogging language**

May balak nga kayang sakupin ng bansang hapon ang pilipinas?  E kung meron nga, ayaw ba natin magpasakop sa kanila?  Syempre ayaw natin.  Kaya lang, minsan naiisip ko, baka mas kaya nilang mag-implement ng rules.  Naobserbahan ko kasi dito sa tin, marami tayong batas na magaganda, pero hindi naiimplement.  Sayang naman.  Mas magiging maunlad kaya tayo kung nagpasakop tayo?  Alam ko naman ayaw natin mangyari iyon.  Sana dumating ang panahon na kayang kaya nating tumayo sa sarili nating mga paa, na walang tulong galing kahit kanino, maging matatag at malakas na bansa, at balang araw, sana ang Japan ay hindi magsisi sa pagtulong sa tin.  Nagpapasalamat ako sa bansang hapon at sana may maibalik ako sa kanya balang araw.

**changing back to English**

Here at the airport there are so many different people with nationalities.  It makes me think that, in this world, there are so many people coming from different cultures, different backgrounds.  In Japan, generally, the image of Chinese people are not so good.  But being in this airport at this moemnt gave me an insight.  Even though we dont like them for being greedy, some chinese people are actually kind.  Not all are greedy.  And they are ordinary people, living an ordinary life. Sometimes, the greedy people are the ones seated in position, giving others a wrong impression.

Well, so much for a brief blogging time.  I have to sit down and wait for check in.  I am just using free online access here.  will get back to you soon after landing at KIX.  Osaka here i come! ';-)

strange

I haven't blogged for the longest time because as usual, I have been busy or sometimes, lazy.  Recently, I have been staying in the lab up until 10pm or 1030pm and i reach home at about 11.  I will have a presentation next week, not in Japan, but in my country, with my professor.  And i am sooo excited about it.  needless to say, i want to impress all the people who would be listening to me during that presentation.  I dont want to JUST PRESENT.  I want to PRESENT.

However, as i have planned to finish my target molecule in three remaining weeks before the presentation day, I got sick last weekend, which made me skip a lab day and thus i could not finish my compound anymore.  It feels as if i skipped two days actually, because last tuesday, I didnt do any work.  I fixed some documents for my scholarship application and enrollment.  Which leaves me with a few more days to start panicking.

No, im not gonna panic.  I know its impossible to finish the compound in a few days.  For crying out loud, its next week!  The best thing i can possibly do now is prepare a very very nice introduction which would capture their imagination, and well not dwell so much with the results.  "Its not important for the audience anyway, the more important thing for them is the purpose of the research," as my mouse professor said the other day.  (oddly,  i call him mouse because whenever i see him i think he looks like one).

so, nuff said about the presentation.  I actually wanted to start blogging again last sunday.  since my indonesian friend told me to update my blog and that she would check it once in a while.  Well, that gives me an encouragement. haha! unfortunately, last sunday, I think I ate fish and some rice for dinner.  It didnt taste quite odd.  I mean, it tasted a bit strange but i thought its not the "expired taste."  It was acceptable.

I finished almost the whole plate of it.  After about an hour, I started to feel soooo dizzy.  I felt like riding a huge amusement park ride for more than five times.  I looked at the time and it was just 830 or 9pm.  Perhaps i was feeling sleepy.  But how can i feel so sleepy its still too early!  I tried to watch a few videos to convince myself that i wasnt nauseous.  I also recorded myself singing and acting out some musical pieces from Les Miserables, Miss Saigon, and other songs.  But around 930 I think, I really felt I had to throw up.  I had to let this out.  I tried to hold it in, until i couldnt any longer.  I rushed to the toilet and started to vomit the culprit.  i felt relieved for a few minutes and i thought it was over.  After a few minutes i started to feel nauseous again and i threw up again.  This pattern repeated for three times. at about 12 midnight, i though it was over and i started to lie in bed.  I thought i let out all the fish and rice i ate.  i tried to watch some videos to keep my mind off the dizziness.  around 1 i closed my eyes and tried to sleep off the dizziness away.  I could not sleep.  2am and i was still awake.  In fact, by 2 am,  I could not even speak.  I mean i could speak but not so much because i felt so sick.  I felt like if i spoke a lot, i would throw up again.

I called my parents (good God theyre still awake), to ask them what i should do.  I am alone in my apartment and i dont know what to do.  I dont have porridge.  I dont have anything except heavy food, which needs some cooking.  They told me instructions like drink warm tea or warm water and i followed them.  For the next two hours i was throwing up continually in the toilet.  Even the hot tea i drank and the warm water mixed with some salt -- I barfed them all out.

so about 4am, I finally felt a bit relieved, but my stomach was quite painful because of throwing up.  my throat and mouth is also tired and tastes funny.  I was exhausted and i just wanted to sleep.  I cant possibly go to lab tomorrow.

The next day i woke up at 8am, I was thinking to inform my boss that i couldnt make it to lab today, or at least i will be late for work, and come in the afternoon.  I cooked porridge for myself (its my first time to cook porridge)  and about 930am i called my boss through his mobile phone.  He wasnt picking up.  I didnt want to call the laboratory to inform the students of my condition, its quite embarrassing.  so i called the "mouse prof."  Turns out, he was also sick.  I could hear his sickly voice as he told me he caught colds.  He told me i could rest in my home for the whole day and i didnt have to come to school.  Good thing he told that to me, I was planning to go to school in the afternoon.  Later that afternoon i realized i couldnt work.  I was too weak.

I went out of the house around 2 pm to buy something to eat and buy some yoghurt and bread and fruits and Pocari Sweat.  haha!  I need the electrolytes.  Yea, I could recover that day.  I needed one day to recover and the next day, i was back in the lab.  my mom told me that i was lucky, cause some people they dont recover easily from food poisoning and in some cases people have to be taken to the hospital.  yea, I'm one lucky girl.

Okay so thats the gist of what has happened.

Gotta get working now,,, ill update more later... :D
^_^