In Zurich

Ok... I have just arrived last monday here in Switzerland.  I actually have not yet had a decent 'rest' since I came;  there has always been a thing or two to do each time.  I am tired and I feel quite disoriented.  I am happy, but I think that I just need a lil more time before I fully adjust.

So today I went to discuss about my research topic with my professor.  Hell yeah, I'm a PhD student.  God. let me say that again to help myself sink it in my brain- I AM A PHD STUDENT.
PhD.  Why the fuck did I even bother to apply for it?  Here I am, just third day of being a PhD student and already I am having all these questions in my head.  I want to have a family. I want to have a life.  I want to have a job which is not stressful.  Then why did i even apply for PhD????

anyway, I'm happy that i got in this university. I mean it's prestigious, and I loooove it! I mean, in my first three days here, I really felt they were giving a lot of money for research and education.  and they value the students.  and learning.  So yeah, I am loving it.

but then today I have talked with my professor about my research topic.  It seems to me that it is a LOT of work.  moreover, i will continue the work of a previous student, and of course we need good results.  I mean - everyone needs good results, right. come on, good results = good money. and good reputation.

Never mind the money, but the reputation.  I don't want to destroy my name.  I want to have good results, but as most of graduate school students know, good results are not always guaranteed... even if you work your ass off.

And I sincerely want to pull this off, but i need a lot of patience and work.  Where do I fucking begin?  I just came here last monday january 6, and here i am, confused, disoriented, suffering from jet lag, and most of all, I'm scared.

I'm nervous.  I wanna do well and live up to their expectations of me, but how?  I am trying my best now, and for the past few days i think i have been meeting their expectations and I am adjusting pretty well (at least it seems to them).  But I'm really so scared and clueless. I have a lot of things to consider and I think i need some help from someone.  Okay, calm down eli, calm down.

I need some time to settle.  Time difference is huge.  I kind of miss talking to my family every night.  I couldn't talk with my family and friends cause of the time difference.  need to calm myself doooowwwnnn..