Dear Readers,
well, today was a relatively "unbusy" day -- still busy but better than the past few days when i cant even sit down to focus my brain on my reading. Today at least, I could read some and add more structure to my report in 2 weeks' time.
When i was an undergraduate student, I have always seen him and actually sometimes i didnt like the way he handled the class. I had this image of him and i didnt like it actually. When i went back home last month to do a presentation, I set aside my prejudices and tried to see him in a different light, in new different shoes. I kind of liked his personality then, but not to the point where i actually want to be his close colleague/professor.
Just now i checked him in his room because i thought hey he might be needing something, or want something that i could get for him. I went to check him in his office downstairs. When i went there, he was talking to someone via skype and so i thought he probably didnt want to be disturbed so i started walking away. but i dont know something inside me keeps on jerking up to knock on his door and ask him if he needed anything. And so after a few more steps, i went back and knocked.
He said "hai" which was my signal to go in the room. When i went in the room and he told me oh its you come in come in. and he said come here i want to introduce you to my wife. and then suddenly i felt the warmth of a family man, a father, a husband all embodied in this professor. I never thought of him as such, but the act of talking to his wife via skype after a busy day here in Japan is just -- i dont know what to call it -- sweet?
It is like, no matter how different i looked at this person before, or however powerful he has become throughout the years or however long he has spent outside the country to study, or how many packs of cigarette he has smoked... he is still like a father, a dad, a family person, a warm loving husband to his wife. This act made me see how close i am to him in personality... not that i do what he does but because in my own family my dad usually calls my mom when he is out on business trips, or my parents usually call us here every night, and vice versa.
Its like the culture, the Filipino culture of that, or Family culture, or call it whatever you may, is deeply engraved in our genes and made us similar. And oh boy, the warmth of his smile when he showed me his wife. He was so happy talking with her and seemed to be pleased to introduce her to me. It was like i was not a threat or anything of that sort, but it was like i was part of them, or part of this culture. it was a pleasant feeling. The feeling you sort of get in your dreams.
At that moment i realized, oh my, he is such a nice old man. Not yet that old, but he is like my dad. why, i missed that point for so many years of knowing him. i am happy that i realized this.
His wife was very kind, smiled as she greeted me. I could sense she was a nice lady. i dont know, like my mom maybe? they were talking something about de la salle. My, in an instant, it seemed to me that their family was similar to my family. and i felt pleasant about it.
anyway, just a random realization tonight, i realized totally that he is a very good man inside, and what i saw from many years ago was just garbage. enough of these stuff, now back to my reading... ganbaru wa!
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
meeting future boss
Today is an exhausting day, in fact so exhausting that i dont want to do anything else but to write this blog. I accompanied a professor from my university back home here in Osaka. I like going to places with people from my university but its just that i cant do any of my work. I have a big report in 3 weeks and bless my luck, i also have a final exam on the same day. On top of that i have to do my experiments, which i hope will work out soon. I feel sleepy and i want to watch a movie at home and be a buff. it seems to me that i have acquired both Japanese and my Filipino lifestyle here in Japan which is quite difficult to balance. I basically get up early from monday to sunday, 24/7 without any breaks. Its just that in my country whenever there's heavy rain, we cancel classes and so our asses can snooze till noon or later than that, whichever we prefer.
Last week we came from Mie prefecture, a 3 hour bus drive from Osaka. We had a fantastic laboratory trip. I really enjoyed it, except the fact that, i came home saturday evening, and i wanted to rest on sunday, but i couldnt cause i had to accompany my sister to go to church cause she sang with the rest of the other members performed a worship song. She doesnt know how to go to the church alone, so i had to wake up on time just to accompany her. my god.
I am tired, i want to take a break this sunday, cause sundays are all i have for resting. But sad to say that, sometimes i cant. i have been doing this for more than a year now, but i dont know why during this season it just gets more toxic. It wasnt as bad as this before. or maybe because hmmm, mmaybe because i cook my own food now, thats why i feel quite heavy.
As i type this i feel like my eyelids are starting to drop in place.
Yesterday was a pretty good day for me, although it was exhausting still.
I accompanied the professor and I am pleased and honored that he trusts me enough, even though im still in my masters. He wants to start a laboratory for me back in my country. Which means i already have a position in my country, home university. And my professors here want me to improve science and technology in my country. Sure that sounds nice, who wouldnt want that? but i feel like its a very huge responsibility.
I hope to continue his work, to strengthen the collaboration and to improve the ranking of my university in world rankings, and hey who knows, maybe eventually strengthen science in my country. Oh my, how i wish i could do that. Actually, I want to do that, but i dont quite know how.
NOw i am still a masters student, barely have good results, struggling to find my way through grad school. What am i to do?
I dont want to disappoint kubo sensei or dr J or any of the people who are somehow putting their trust in my ability. I know im not the super genius gal who can 'do all the impossible work.' theres just one thing i know. and that is i have passion to do those things. i just dont know if that will be sufficient to change some situations. I really want to be of service to the people and everytime i go home to my country and see my people, i kind of promise them that one day our country will be rich. I dont know how but i dont want to see any more people who are suffering. Who work hard all day, but earn so little. I wish i can do something for them. For the people who work in the hair salons or do my nails, or people who give me a nice massage, they all earn so little. I wish my work could help them. I dont know how, i mean, i absolutely have no idea.
I wish to make a change or revolutionize education, at least in my country.
One more wonderful thing which happened yesterday, well i dont quite know how the crap it happened but, image streaming or imagery or the 'secret' or whatever you may call it. Sure thing, i think it works.
You see, a few days ago i sort of image streamed for a while that my professor will approach me , i dont know , say, sometime near my phd graduation and tell me that he wants me to do post doc in america. I did that. I created that scenario in my head. I tried my best to make it as real as possible in my head. Well what do you know... yesterday, it happened. not exactly as I had imagined it would be but because when i first mentioned about post doc to my professor, he didnt seem to welcome the idea so warmly. From his facial expression, reading his reaction, i think he preferred me to go back to my country as soon as i finish my phd here. from the way he spoke, i could decipher his idea.
but yesterday, he was actually the one who even opened the topic and offered america to me as potential post doc place. If everything goes as things should be, I would be going to america to do post doc research for 2 years. My professor even counted the years and then i will go back to my country. i love to study, i love doing research , i love my job and i want to travel and see more places and experiences different cultures and meet people and learn from them. It has been my long time dream.
I just wonder after all this, whats gonna be next. Sure, i want to settle down someday in a nice home, but if possible, i would like to meet someone who is like my professor. dont know if such kind of person exists in this huge planet and i cant move my home. I have to stay in my country. I have to. I cant disappoint anyone. and i love my country.
I wonder... how will my life be. I came to the point of realization that my life now, is not my own, but it is to give service to others, for a greater purpose. Quite dramatic, but true indeed.
Last week we came from Mie prefecture, a 3 hour bus drive from Osaka. We had a fantastic laboratory trip. I really enjoyed it, except the fact that, i came home saturday evening, and i wanted to rest on sunday, but i couldnt cause i had to accompany my sister to go to church cause she sang with the rest of the other members performed a worship song. She doesnt know how to go to the church alone, so i had to wake up on time just to accompany her. my god.
I am tired, i want to take a break this sunday, cause sundays are all i have for resting. But sad to say that, sometimes i cant. i have been doing this for more than a year now, but i dont know why during this season it just gets more toxic. It wasnt as bad as this before. or maybe because hmmm, mmaybe because i cook my own food now, thats why i feel quite heavy.
As i type this i feel like my eyelids are starting to drop in place.
Yesterday was a pretty good day for me, although it was exhausting still.
I accompanied the professor and I am pleased and honored that he trusts me enough, even though im still in my masters. He wants to start a laboratory for me back in my country. Which means i already have a position in my country, home university. And my professors here want me to improve science and technology in my country. Sure that sounds nice, who wouldnt want that? but i feel like its a very huge responsibility.
I hope to continue his work, to strengthen the collaboration and to improve the ranking of my university in world rankings, and hey who knows, maybe eventually strengthen science in my country. Oh my, how i wish i could do that. Actually, I want to do that, but i dont quite know how.
NOw i am still a masters student, barely have good results, struggling to find my way through grad school. What am i to do?
I dont want to disappoint kubo sensei or dr J or any of the people who are somehow putting their trust in my ability. I know im not the super genius gal who can 'do all the impossible work.' theres just one thing i know. and that is i have passion to do those things. i just dont know if that will be sufficient to change some situations. I really want to be of service to the people and everytime i go home to my country and see my people, i kind of promise them that one day our country will be rich. I dont know how but i dont want to see any more people who are suffering. Who work hard all day, but earn so little. I wish i can do something for them. For the people who work in the hair salons or do my nails, or people who give me a nice massage, they all earn so little. I wish my work could help them. I dont know how, i mean, i absolutely have no idea.
I wish to make a change or revolutionize education, at least in my country.
One more wonderful thing which happened yesterday, well i dont quite know how the crap it happened but, image streaming or imagery or the 'secret' or whatever you may call it. Sure thing, i think it works.
You see, a few days ago i sort of image streamed for a while that my professor will approach me , i dont know , say, sometime near my phd graduation and tell me that he wants me to do post doc in america. I did that. I created that scenario in my head. I tried my best to make it as real as possible in my head. Well what do you know... yesterday, it happened. not exactly as I had imagined it would be but because when i first mentioned about post doc to my professor, he didnt seem to welcome the idea so warmly. From his facial expression, reading his reaction, i think he preferred me to go back to my country as soon as i finish my phd here. from the way he spoke, i could decipher his idea.
but yesterday, he was actually the one who even opened the topic and offered america to me as potential post doc place. If everything goes as things should be, I would be going to america to do post doc research for 2 years. My professor even counted the years and then i will go back to my country. i love to study, i love doing research , i love my job and i want to travel and see more places and experiences different cultures and meet people and learn from them. It has been my long time dream.
I just wonder after all this, whats gonna be next. Sure, i want to settle down someday in a nice home, but if possible, i would like to meet someone who is like my professor. dont know if such kind of person exists in this huge planet and i cant move my home. I have to stay in my country. I have to. I cant disappoint anyone. and i love my country.
I wonder... how will my life be. I came to the point of realization that my life now, is not my own, but it is to give service to others, for a greater purpose. Quite dramatic, but true indeed.
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